Ripped Away
by jenniblu421
Summary: Bella has to tell Edward about what happened to give her all those bruises and she fears his reaction. M for mature theme. AU, one shot, all human. Has been reworked for the better I hope. Please let me know what you think.


So there has been some confusion. Just to set the record straight this is a one-shot, Bella and Edward are both human, they are seniors in college, and have been married for 8 months.

* * *

I was in desperate need of a shower, I just couldn't think past that. My brain seemed to be focused on one thing and one thing only: shower. I needed hot, scalding water. Something, anything to take this feeling away.

Just a few more minutes. Just hold on a few more minutes.

This was my mantra, the only tangible thing I had. There was nothing beyond this thought, there couldn't be if I were to keep my sanity. One thing at a time.

I was in such a rush to get clean that I didn't shut the bathroom door. I hadn't realized that he had walked by the bathroom door as I was changing but was alerted to his presence by a loud gasp.

No. No no no no no. Not this. Not now.

The next thing I knew he was standing in front of me. His hands were firm on my shoulders.

"What happened?" he asked. I could tell he was frightened. I could see the fear in his eyes as he looked at the marks that represented my shame.

No. Not now. I could not do this no. No. Not ever.

"Nothing," I replied, pulling myself from his grasp. I couldn't look him in the eyes and cursed myself silently for not shutting the bathroom door.

"This," he said motioning to my bruised thigh and hip, "is not nothing! What happened to you?" The anger was clear in his voice now as was the hurt.

"I fell in Karate today, it's nothing," I said. I could tell that he saw right through me and my lie. I couldn't tell him what happened. Never. It would kill him and that would kill me. He was the most important thing in my life and this would destroy him. Destroy us.

He stepped forward taking my chin into his hands as he tried to force me to look at him. I couldn't. I could not look at his perfect, loving eyes. I was not the same as I was this morning. No. I had been changed. Tainted. I could not look into the eyes that saw me this morning as I was. Could he ever see me that way again? His eyes sought that woman and what he found was me. I turned away quickly. No, I could not look into his eyes when he found out. I could not see the pain that would be there, the hurt. I took a step further away from him and could hear the pain in his voice when he called my name.

"Bella…"

I didn't want to hurt him but no matter what I did it would bring him pain. I would bring him pain.

So much pain. I gasped out loud. I could feel reality shimmer around me, forcing me into awareness. No, not now. Not in front of Edward. Just a few more minutes.

"It's nothing, please just drop it," I begged. My voice cracked, but it wasn't just that. It sounded wrong in my own ears. I knew this would not escape his notice as focused as he has always been on my very being. He could read me like a book. "Could you please leave me alone so that I can shower?" I reached in and turned on the water in the shower as I heard the door shut quietly behind me. Without another thought I sighed in relief and ripped off the rest of my clothing off. I stepped into the shower. The water wasn't nearly hot enough and I turned it as hot as it would go.

I put my head directly under the flow of water and a choked sob broke from my chest. The force of it burned my throat and brought tears to my eyes. Another escaped past my lips without my permission. I could see his dark brown eyes. So dark. So brown, almost black. So angry. How could this have happened? How could I have let it happen? My nightmare was suddenly interrupted as Edward stepped into the shower with me. I gasped and stepped back. No. No no no. He couldn't see me like this. No. I couldn't help but flinch back from his furious gaze as he saw the bruises that ran up and down my right side and chest.

"My God, Bella, what happened to you?" he asked as he moved to wrap me in his arms. I shrugged him off and turned around. I couldn't look at him any longer and he shouldn't touch me. How could I possibly tell him what had happened earlier?

In a fruitless attempt to buy myself some time I grabbed my shampoo and poured some into my hand. I went to put it in my hair when I felt one hand on my shoulder and one wrap around my wrist as he turned me to face him.

"Please," was all he said. The whisper could barely be heard over the rush of water but I could see the heartache in his gorgeous eyes and I knew that I had put it there. What I wouldn't give to take back today. I should have just stayed in bed wrapped up in his arms. None of this would have happened.

"I'm scared," was all I managed to say before another sob broke free. I turned back around and quickly lathered my hair. He waited behind me for me to rinse it out before he touched my shoulder gently but firmly.

"What are you keeping from me, Bella? Please, you are killing me," he murmured quietly. Pain laced every word.

"That's what I am scared of, killing you," I replied quietly.

"Why? What happened?"

I was going to have to tell him but I had hoped for more time to gather my thoughts. I hadn't counted on doing this so soon after… I shook my head slowly side to side.

I took a deep breath but still couldn't look at him as I said, "Something happened today after class and I am scared of what you will think of me."

"Can you please explain that? I don't understand what you are telling me," he said.

I could tell he was frightened. Hell, I was beyond frightened. I was screaming on the inside willing myself to go back in time. If only things were that easy.

"I went to karate but had to stay after to talk to the teacher," I paused, steeling myself for what I was about to do. I was about to break his heart. I choked on another sob. "I was the last to make it into the dressing room. Everyone else had already gone. I figured I didn't need to go into a changing stall because there was not another class that used it after ours." I closed my eyes willing the memories away. Eyes so dark they were almost black. His painful grip on my wrist, twisting it so hard I thought it might break. How he used his knee to hold me down making it hard to breathe. The fist used to silence my cries. The smile when I fought back...

I felt bile rise in my throat. I gagged, hunching slightly at the waist. Edward's hand touched my back softly, hesitantly. He was always my strength and as odd as it was I took courage from his touch. I knew that I had to do this. I tried to think of it like pulling of a band-aid, but the wound scared me.

"Please," he pleaded with me.

"I thought I had just lost my balance at first. You know me and my lack of coordination. I cursed myself for being so clumsy and rolled over to get up. That was when I saw him standing over me..." I trailed off when I heard his jaw snap shut and his sharp intake of breath. I knew that he was probably fighting for control right now and I still could not look at him. I felt his hands on my shoulders as he gently ran them up and down my arms. His touch gave me the strength to continue. He kept the dark eyes at bay.

"I tried to fight him Edward, I really did. I tried so hard to fight," I tried to say but the tears that I had been trying to keep inside welled up and spilled over. The sobs ripped violently from the depth of my chest. I thought I might be sick, my stomach heaving painfully. I had failed Edward. I had not been strong enough.

I felt him turn me around and pull me to his chest. I didn't have any strength left. My knees gave out and next thing I knew I was sitting on the tub floor with him wrapped around me. It seemed that my sobs were shaking us both but then I realized that he was sobbing with me. We stayed like that for a long time, just clutching to each other and sobbing.

"Are you… did he…" he was fighting his emotions as he tried to ask me to confirm what he and I both knew had happened.

"Yes," I said quietly. "He raped me." I looked down as I whispered, " I failed you, I am so sorry." He had to understand that I tried and that I was sorry.

His anger was very pronounced as he asked, "What on Earth do you have to be sorry for?"

"I couldn't protect myself for you. He ripped you away from me. I tried so hard but it was no good. He was too strong and I was tired from class." I couldn't finish explaining. My sobs were drowning out all of my words, choking me. I couldn't breathe.

He tightened his arms around me and said, "This is in no way your fault, Bella, do you understand me?"

"I cou… I could… I should…I wanted. To protect. Myself for you." I was gasping so hard that I could barely say anything.

"Oh, Bella, my sweet Bella," he said as he hugged me tighter. "All that matters is that you are okay." With that he was sobbing again.

"How can I be okay when I have caused you this much pain?" I asked.

"What about your pain?" he asked me. he pulled back to look me in the eyes. "Your pain is the only thing important right now. Don't you dare worry about me."

"Your pain is my pain," I said as the tears started flowing again. I felt like my sanity was slipping further and further away. Had he not been here...

"As yours is mine, love," he said. Love. He always called me that, I was his love... How could he still think of me that way? How could the word still flow so freely from his lips?

Realization was hitting me fast. The numb I held on to so fiercely was slipping.

"He ripped you away from me, he took your last kiss from me. Oh God, he tore it away from me, Edward! He replaced your last touch. He took it! HE TOOK IT!" I was sobbing again but I couldn't stop. I was screaming now. "HE TOOK AWAY THE LAST TIME YOU MADE LOVE TO ME!" I yelled, my voice cracking on the last word. I again felt nauseated at the thought of what happened. He did more than bruise and defile me. He had ripped out my heart. Was there a more thorough way to destroy a person? "He took it, he ripped, he… he…" I couldn't take it. I didn't deserve Edward's comfort. He shouldn't have to touch me. I needed to be clean. I stood suddenly and Edward looked up at me in shock. I was determined, I grabbed my washcloth and dumped my body wash on it. I had to get clean. I couldn't stand the feel of my own skin. I began scrubbing at my skin roughly. If I could have removed it all, I would have done it gladly. Remove it piece by piece for all I cared, just get rid of it. Sob after sob exploded out my mouth. I cursed my weakness.

Edward stood up slowly. I could tell he was trying to decide what to do. He grabbed my wrists to stop my hands' frantic scrubbing.

"No, stop Edward. I'm not clean yet. I have to get clean, I have to," I couldn't finish, I had no breathe left to speak with. He pulled me to him gently and wrapped his arms around me tightly.

"You shouldn't have to touch me," I said through sobs.

"Bella, you have done nothing wrong," he said in my ear.

"I'm not clean, you shouldn't have to touch me after he did." Why couldn't he understand this?

"Bella, I am touching _you_. I am touching _my wife_. I am not touching his touches. I wish with all of my heart that I could remove what he did, but I love you. All of you. This will not change that. I need to have you in my arms, love. I need to feel that you are here and safe. I need you, I know it is selfish, especially after all that you have been through, but I_ need _you. I need to be the last person to touch you. I need my skin on your skin to be what you feel right now. You are not dirty. You could never be anything less than perfect. I need to be here with you."

I wrapped my arms around him tightly, my nails digging into his flesh but I couldn't loosen my grip. He had no idea what those words meant to me. "I just don't want you to see me differently," I confessed.

"How could I ever see you as anything other than the love of my life?"

"You aren't the only person to have ever touched me now, I never wanted anyone else. I never wanted another person to know my body but you. I only ever wanted you to touch my skin and that was taken from us."

"That means everything to me Bella. This is not something that you did, it is something that was done," he said as he pulled back slightly to look into my eyes. His eyes held nothing but love for me and pain. I wished in vain that I could take the pain away. If not from me then at least from him.

"Bella?" he asked quietly, hesitantly.

"Yes, Edward?"

"We need to take you to the hospital," he said regretfully, "I have to make sure that you are alight."

"I know," I sighed as I fought back another wave of tears. "I just couldn't stand to go without you."

"Good," he said as he smiled at me sadly. "I need you to need me."

"Always," I replied with everything I had in me.

He finished washing me off and turned off the water. He handed me a towel and I wrapped it around myself tightly. I winced slightly at the pressure against my bruises. I hoped that he hadn't noticed, but of course he did. He picked me up gently and carried me into our room. He sat me down on our bed ever so carefully and moved to our dresser. He then pulled out a pair of my sweats and one of his old shirts. I stood up and pulled on underwear and he helped me into the clothes. He pulled me close and kissed my head before taking my hand and leading me to the door.

"Edward, I'm scared," I whispered as he grabbed his keys and wallet.

"I know love, me too," he admitted.

"What if everything is not fine?" I asked. "What if I am pregnant, or if he gave me something, what if...?" I began to hyperventilate at the thought.

Edward stopped and pulled me close once again. He tucked my head under his chin and wrapped his arms around me.

"I am so sorry that this is something that we have to worry about, but whatever the results are please know that I am always here for you no matter what happens. I want nothing more than to take away your pain. I will be by your side no matter what. We will deal with this together. I meant it when I said for better or worse until death do us part. I love you Bella." He had said it with so much love and conviction that I knew in my heart he meant it. We would survive this and anything else that came our way. I could handle anything as long as he was by my side.

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I in no way own the magical world of Twilight or any of the characters therein.


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